mind numbing television
mind drifting further away into the cosmos
no way to stop, no way of coming back
i like it when i dont have to explain myself
when i feel content on my own
like a cat that goes out all night
no one knowing what he does
i feel like sitting alone in the corner
with no eyes looking at me
sometimes i feel no use for this human body
i just want to be taken away
in a trip, inside my mind
i've seen such foreign lands
travel millions of miles
just to comeback slowly
and discover myself,
seated in the same position

a thought came to me the other day
it said:
"There is a gift for everyone who believes in themselves,
for everybody else, there's just dead"
Well I stopped to believe in myself more than a year ago
and one day my conscience told me
you're now dead, everything you once where
has abandoned your body
left you on your own to see what is like to don't care
you are free to do as you please
since you don't longer wanna live you can start to die
anyway you want it.
and so i did, i started doing everything that could possibly hurt me
because i felt that i have betrayed myself years ago
and now my punishment was to die.
and it hurt, knowing that you no longer had any aspiration in this world
that all you could desire was dead
but it was also a lot fun, as contradictory as it may seems
you go around making all kinds of mess you can think of
and you don't have to worry, because, after all, you are going to die
and you don't need to worry about future.
now, many people says that when you know that you are going to die
you learn to appreciate life more
I don't know if that happened to me
Because I don't thing that i really appreciate life right now
the way they said you would
But I definitely understood that we do the things we do because we love to do it
not because there's any reward,
but because those are things that give meaning to life

I don't know, sometimes I don't know what I am trying to say. I just been thinking a lot these things and I've been refusing to write them down, like I'm embarrassed or something. But now I feel that I have to get this out of my chest and maybe that way all this thoughts would get out of my mind. I don't know, the future looks extremely uncertain right now. I don't have a way to know what is gonna happened in my life. I just feel like I came back to life, and just gotta shake this ghost out of my body.