the look in your eyes

i hate life, i hate people. how i wish i could be normal, just like you! yes, you, you reading this, whoever you are, consider yourself lucky. if you have a life, an never feel like ending it, consider yourself lucky. if you enjoy this stupid world, consider yourself lucky. if you dont think its so bore that you need to be high all the time, consider yourself lucky. if you dont have to take pills at night to stop your mind, consider yourself lucky. if you dont hear babys crying in your mind, consider yourself lucky. if you dont see faces and silhouttes everytime you turn your face, consider yourself lucky. but me, i enjoy all that crap. the schizophrenic tendencies are just what made my day fun! i hate this world you made from me! i hate to be affraid of you, i hate to be afraid of everybody. i hate that my voice shakes when i talk to people that i dont know very much. i hate to feel like im being analyze all the fucking time. i hate being sober. i hate to work. i hate you god! i hate you for all the things you have created. i hate your world, your creations. i hate your son! i hate the whole human kind, im just here watching it all go down. waiting for the final day. cuz at the end, you aint gonna have anything on me! you hear me, i aint your son. i've been left alone since i have memory, so dont bother sending anymore of your messages. dont worry trying preaching on me, i am uncorrectable. thats the way you made isnt it? thats what you want out of me? what am i? your little judas, or just someone you can play with?
what the fuck was that shit you pulled the other day? sending me with some jehovas witness? i mean, i dont mean any disrespect to that old lady. but, what the fuck? you think i was gonna fall for that? ha! i must confess, it was really entertaining, whatching that poor woman face. what you did to her? send her to a monastery, only to be tortured by priests! she didnt said all, but i saw the look in her face, her eyes! thats the only truth i need, the look in her eyes! my favorite weapon is the look in YOUR eyes!
but hey im getting out of this mess by myself. just like anything i've ever done. i dont need you telling me what to do. i dont need you telling me that i have to get on my knees and ask for your forgiveness! you who throw death and war to this world yoe've send us! you think its pretty fucking funny, dont you? well why dont you come down here motherfucker! i want to see you being raped! crucified like your son! that would probe to me that you are fair with us. pretty easy to be sitting on the top, judging everyone. but what do you know? eh? what the fuck do you know about pain? come and tell me! fuck you, fuck your religion. kill me! kill me now! thats all i want out of this life! death! you hear me! i want to die right now! fuck you!
you put us to fight, well i swear to you, one day it will all comeback to you! and you are going to hell. you, the fool on the hill. i just believe in me, and thats reality.

cada determinado tiempo siento la necesidad de maldecir el nombre de dios. y mi mente se agarra diciendo monologos como este por horas jajaja. se los juro, es mi mente, no puedo hacer nada para evitarlo. digo a veces si lo hago. pienso no digas eso. pero pues se que es puro pedo, en realidad me gusta y lo disfruto. ya a veces pienso que ya estoy tonto, simplemente tonto. espero con ansias el dia de mi colapso. sobredosis, accidente automovilistico, balazo. algo rapido. le temo al dolor. quiero una muerte instantanea, de microondas. lo más seguro es que sera todo lo contrario. vivire 700 años, solo para cagarme el palo a mi mismo. quiero irme a una granja. comprar cajas y cajas de keta para mis vacas jajaja y no saber nada del mundo. mas que cuando vaya a vender leche o carne o huevos. sembrar amapola. fumar opio. cosas divertidas. who knows. mañana le hablare a una reina nubia para que me invite a su mundo de placeres desconocidos. quiero estar viejo y morir de un infarto justo al tener mi ultimo orgasmo. quiero, quiero irme a dormir ya! jajaja